Vulnerability

Sometimes I want to hide in my shell.

I’m sure I am not the only one struggling with the state of our world right now. I don’t know if I have any great chunks of wisdom to give you, but I thought I would share what has been helping me.

I am a Cancer Sun, Leo Moon and a Cancer Rising. I included the picture of a little hermit crab here because the crab represents Cancer in the Zodiac. That means I take all of the traits of a Cancer- being a homebody, caring for people, holding a grudge until the end of time, very intuitive and empathetic, moody and kind of doesn’t like strangers- and I multiply them! Then you add that Leo Moon, which is warm, generous, kind and caring and also self-centered and stubborn, and well you have a bundle full of a lot of feelings.

I share that to say when I feel threatened, I retreat. My feelings overwhelm me and I withdraw from people and doing the things that I love. I’m very grateful that my friends know this about me and still reach out even when I’m trying to hide away. Y’all right about now with this current news cycle I’m feeling threatened and I want to hide away. I want to wrap my heart in bubble wrap, build a little refuge and hide away from the world.

One of my core personality traits is that I care and I want to help. It’s a huge reason why I became a life coach. It also means that I can’t avoid the pain of the world. Taking care of something or someone else is a great way to get you out of your head space. Adopting Sweetie was one of the best things I did because it meant on the days I just couldn’t, that I still got up and took care of this chaotic little being. Is there something or someone you can take care of? Even watering the plants helps me feel like I’m nurturing something outside myself. Is there a friend that you know has been struggling, well reach out to them. Is there somewhere you can volunteer? If people aren’t your thing, go look into an animal shelter. It doesn’t have to be a big huge gesture, just something small.

The other thing I would suggest is to be open. When you are with people you trust, or in spaces you trust, stay open and vulnerable. It is easier to shut yourself off from the pain, but we have to feel the pain and process it (which FYI is the thing I hate doing most). It’s what makes us human. It is what makes us care for the people, community and the world around us.

I often share parts of my story that can be hard to tell. The reason I tell my story is because it often resonates with someone else. I’ve had many people tell me, sometimes years later, that hearing my story helped them know they weren’t alone. I am not the poster child for surviving trauma, but I have made it through and I think sometimes people need to see that. I shared something very vulnerable the other day on instagram because I needed to channel my rage. Here is the post if you are interested (trigger warnings SA).

I realized later that what made that post resonate and feel strong, was partly my strong language, but also my vulnerability. My ability to take my story and share it in order for others to know what women are dealing with, and also in the hope that someone hears my story and it helps them.

If you are struggling, I see you. The world is especially heavy lately. Find something small to care for and keep your heart open.

With love,

Kandy