Screw the Lemonade

Screw the Lemonade

Y’all there is a real reason why I named my workshop Screw the Lemonade: How to Get Sh*t Done While Overwhelmed and Anxious. The phrase ‘When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade” honestly pisses me off. It’s supposed to inspire optimism and a can do attitude. But, sometimes that is hard to find. Also, any time I hear that I want to ask, but where am I getting the sugar? And the water? And the pitcher? And, and, and?

Sometimes when I’m down in it and somebody is like ‘there’s always tomorrow’, or ‘smile’, or ‘cheer up’. It doesn’t help. At all. In fact the disconnect from what I am feeling and my ability to smile is about as wide as the Grand Canyon. Now, I’m feeling even more despair because I can’t be like normal people, oh, and I’m also really pissed off at the person who is trying to fake cheer me up.

People are starting to understand that positivity isn’t always the answer, and in fact the phrase toxic positivity has been used to describe that fake cheer up mentality.

Toxic positivity is a cultural force that reinforces: “If you believe it you can achieve it!” “The only thing in your way is you!” “The key to success is a positive mindset!”… Toxic Positivity leaves us feeling alone, and disconnected. It stops us from communicating. It stifles creativity and change. It silences people.

Whitney Goodman

Instead of going from zero to hero, you need to build a ladder first. If you find yourself struggling it helps to acknowledge the feeling. As someone who does everything they can to avoid having a feeling believe me, I know! But, it really does help to stop and say well crap, I feel sad/angry/frustrated/depressed/anxious/shameful, or whatever feeling is coming up for you. Sit with it instead of shunting it aside.

Now think about how you want to feel, even if that feeling seems unattainable.

This is where we get to play a bit. So, today I’m feeling overwhelmed and that overwhelm is causing me to freeze up and not know which way to turn or what to get done. When I think about how I want to feel, I want to feel at ease with my obligations. I don’t want to feel so spinny in my head when I think of what needs to be done. I want to have the confidence that not only accomplish what needs to be done, but I can sort through the mess and prioritize things.

There is no way I can snap my fingers and say I can get everything done and believe it. In fact just typing that made my insides twist. I don’t believe that at all. What I do believe is that I’ve had this feeling before and I’ve found my way through it. Ok, that I can believe.

So, how do I build a ladder or a bridge between feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I’m failing and feeling confident I can find my way through it all? I’ve found adding the word ‘possible’ to that thought helps immensely.

It is possible for me to go through the list of things to do and prioritize them in order to get them done. Then I’d feel confident and like it is possible for me to accomplish things.

I know I ran on a bit there, but to summarize. Toxic positivity is real. Trying to make lemonades out of lemons may not be within reach. But there are a few things you can do: 1) Feel the feelings 2) Determine how you want to feel 3) Build a ladder to get your thoughts closer to how you want to feel. It is possible.

Thought work is something we can work on in coaching. If you want to find out more about what how that can help, please sign up for a free half hour Curiosity Call. You can ask all the questions you have to learn about how Life Coaching can help you.